They Asked For Help and You Said "You need to pray!" Wrong!
Don't let this be your story or your legacy.
Within the last week, a local TV meteorologist died by suicide after experiencing problems while recovering from lasik eye surgery. This meteorologist was relatively young, and left behind a husband and two very young children.
This story saddened me and touched me deeply. Several years ago, I considered having this surgery and decided to continue on using contact lenses and glasses. The doctors I spoke with said this was a routine procedure, with excellent results and very few risks. Perhaps I was a bit of a coward, but being nearsighted, I didn't want to take any further risks with my eyes. Risks involving lasers and manipulation of my cornea seemed too scary.
As I read comments on social media about this death, I was stunned by how many people wrote extremely angry and judgmental comments about the woman who died. Many of these comments had a religious tone, threatening her soul with Hell, hellfire, and eternal damnation. None of these people claimed to know the sufferer personally, or to have any experience with eye surgery.
This reminded me how often those who say they are Christians have fallen into the habit of telling someone who reaches out for help "You need to pray"!
I believe this is the one thing we should never say to someone who is depressed, disturbed, in trouble, and reaching out for help.
What's wrong with saying this?
How do you know they haven't prayed? Even those who don't claim a belief in God may whisper a prayer of desperation when in trouble. They may say, "God, if you're really there, please help me!" Let's say the one in trouble did honestly pray this prayer in a moment of crisis and somehow they are led to you--one who claims to believe in God, one who says their prayers are answered, and that God hears them. How much sense would it make for you to simply tell them, "You need to pray"?
If this person needs prayer, why not offer to pray with them? If this person is overwhelmed, why not listen, and then offer to help them find someone (qualified) who can help them further?
When someone in trouble reaches out, and hears "You need to pray", what they're really hearing is: "Don't bother me with your problem. I don't have an answer and I don't have time to listen."
That kind of a response to someone in trouble is not a positive Christian witness.
We don't always have answers for those struggling with what overwhelms them. But when we say, "you need to pray", we are turning that person away, we're saying "no help here."
Maybe their situation triggers a memory of our own personal weaknesses. Maybe we don't have answers and don't want to appear weak. Maybe we can't clearly explain why we believe what we believe, so when a tough topic arises (death, meaning of life, suicidal thoughts), we deflect the person and the ideas that frighten us.
What should you do or say?
1. Listen without judgment.
2. Listen without trying to create a solution for their "problem."
3. Offer help you can reasonably and honestly provide and follow through with.
4. Make no threats about Hell, or about suicide victims going to Hell. You have absolutely no idea who is going to hell because those decisions are not left to you. No human has the power or ability to place someone in Hell. According to the Bible, Jesus Christ holds the keys to death and Hell. (Revelation 1:18)
5. Guide the one in trouble to additional help. Suicide Prevention Life Line. Call 1-800-273-8255.
If this person reaching out to you is someone you have looked up to, or seen a spiritual leader, remember they are coming to you because they are desperate or feel you can be trusted to see them as a human being, and not just as a leader or someone in a leadership position. Respect that trust and offer help without making judgments, sharing gossip, or making criticisms. Perhaps this is a time for you to pray if you need guidance about how to help.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Take it seriously when someone tells you they are thinking of or wanting to end their time here. Don't assume they're "faking" or "trying to get attention."
If you are God's child, you will value each life as dearly as He does. And you will take each cry for help as seriously as He does.
Within the last week, a local TV meteorologist died by suicide after experiencing problems while recovering from lasik eye surgery. This meteorologist was relatively young, and left behind a husband and two very young children.
This story saddened me and touched me deeply. Several years ago, I considered having this surgery and decided to continue on using contact lenses and glasses. The doctors I spoke with said this was a routine procedure, with excellent results and very few risks. Perhaps I was a bit of a coward, but being nearsighted, I didn't want to take any further risks with my eyes. Risks involving lasers and manipulation of my cornea seemed too scary.
As I read comments on social media about this death, I was stunned by how many people wrote extremely angry and judgmental comments about the woman who died. Many of these comments had a religious tone, threatening her soul with Hell, hellfire, and eternal damnation. None of these people claimed to know the sufferer personally, or to have any experience with eye surgery.
This reminded me how often those who say they are Christians have fallen into the habit of telling someone who reaches out for help "You need to pray"!
I believe this is the one thing we should never say to someone who is depressed, disturbed, in trouble, and reaching out for help.
What's wrong with saying this?
How do you know they haven't prayed? Even those who don't claim a belief in God may whisper a prayer of desperation when in trouble. They may say, "God, if you're really there, please help me!" Let's say the one in trouble did honestly pray this prayer in a moment of crisis and somehow they are led to you--one who claims to believe in God, one who says their prayers are answered, and that God hears them. How much sense would it make for you to simply tell them, "You need to pray"?
If this person needs prayer, why not offer to pray with them? If this person is overwhelmed, why not listen, and then offer to help them find someone (qualified) who can help them further?
When someone in trouble reaches out, and hears "You need to pray", what they're really hearing is: "Don't bother me with your problem. I don't have an answer and I don't have time to listen."
That kind of a response to someone in trouble is not a positive Christian witness.
We don't always have answers for those struggling with what overwhelms them. But when we say, "you need to pray", we are turning that person away, we're saying "no help here."
Maybe their situation triggers a memory of our own personal weaknesses. Maybe we don't have answers and don't want to appear weak. Maybe we can't clearly explain why we believe what we believe, so when a tough topic arises (death, meaning of life, suicidal thoughts), we deflect the person and the ideas that frighten us.
What should you do or say?
1. Listen without judgment.
2. Listen without trying to create a solution for their "problem."
3. Offer help you can reasonably and honestly provide and follow through with.
4. Make no threats about Hell, or about suicide victims going to Hell. You have absolutely no idea who is going to hell because those decisions are not left to you. No human has the power or ability to place someone in Hell. According to the Bible, Jesus Christ holds the keys to death and Hell. (Revelation 1:18)
5. Guide the one in trouble to additional help. Suicide Prevention Life Line. Call 1-800-273-8255.
If this person reaching out to you is someone you have looked up to, or seen a spiritual leader, remember they are coming to you because they are desperate or feel you can be trusted to see them as a human being, and not just as a leader or someone in a leadership position. Respect that trust and offer help without making judgments, sharing gossip, or making criticisms. Perhaps this is a time for you to pray if you need guidance about how to help.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Take it seriously when someone tells you they are thinking of or wanting to end their time here. Don't assume they're "faking" or "trying to get attention."
If you are God's child, you will value each life as dearly as He does. And you will take each cry for help as seriously as He does.
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