paravanes:meditations

Photo: (c) Deborah Evans  As we say goodbye to Valentine's Day week, here are a few thoughts to help you evaluate your relationships. These thoughts are not just "red flags" (warnings), but can also be considered "white flags" (signs to walk away from or redirect non covenant relationships). If you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, notice how someone handles disappointment or frustration -- large or small. This is an indicator of self control, emotional maturity, and problem solving skill.  If you're mid stream in the relationship, acknowledge reality when someone cannot give or honestly accept an apology. If they can't or won't do both of these, you should slow down or redirect the relationship. If you're planning long term, pay close attention to how this person values and invests in the other relationships in their life: family, work, business, school, neighbors, groups and clubs, etc. If someone does not appreciat...

Whom do you see, speak with, and listen to every day, every week, or several times each month? That's your inner circle. You are influenced by this group of people more than any others. Do you and your inner circle share beliefs, values, priorities, and life goals? Are you constantly struggling to be understood by people who seem determined to misunderstand you? Do you feel responsible for saving those intent on self destruction?  Do you feel emotionally empowered or emotionally drained by the people you see in your daily life? Who encourages you when you're feeling sad or unhappy? Who encourages you to maintain good physical and emotional health and wellness? Who prays for you and isn't hesitant about letting you know? Who holds you accountable to consistently live up to your best self? During the next two days, examine and honestly assess your inner circle. Who must stay? Who needs to go? Pray about this, but don't be afraid to acknowledge some rel...

When someone genuinely likes you, they do not nit-pick and endlessly scrutinize every little thing you say or do. I really learned this today and hope someone else will benefit from reading these words. Lent is a time of revelation.

Reuniting with a minor child after experiencing parental alienation is a dream come true, a prayer answered, and a huge, huge challenge. Why? You may not understand how deeply parental alienation changes things between a parent and child. Parental alienation is different from a short-term problem, behavioral difficulties, or a temporary, but unwanted, separation between a loving parent and child. Some have termed parental alienation a type of child abuse because the child experiences a deep and strongly felt negative (but unjustified) change in their belief about a parent the child was once close to and loved very much. You might wonder if it is even possible for someone to disrupt a close, loving relationship between a parent and child. The answer is yes .. If you are the targeted parent and you are blessed enough to have a chance to re-establish regular contact with your child or have your child return to living with you, be very careful as your create goals and expectation...

In my last post, I promised to share some ideas about how to deal with the "sticky people" who frustrate or irritate us. Because this topic has appeared in three parts, I will review parts one and two. In part one, I quoted an email from a friend. (Thanks, Chris!) The message in the email highlights our ability to choose who "sits on the front row" of our lives. Also, the message emphasized our right and responsibility to exercise judgment and discernment in making those choices. In part two, I discussed domestic violence as an issue in family/friend relationships because domestic violence completely changes the way in which you should consider how to handle a difficult relationship. This is true whether you consider yourself a Christian or not. Being a Christian is not an excuse for turning off common sense . If someone is abusing you physically or emotionally, your only safe course of action is to physically remove yourself from the situation. Any issues of counse...