The Lord's Prayer Forgiveness Toolbox

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Forgive us our debts

as we forgive our debtors.

Lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

Disclaimer: I am not a certified counselor or social worker or therapist. It is possible you may benefit from working with a qualified professional while seeking recovery from severe setbacks or deep wounding. What I share here is my personal experience and insight.

Please do not be afraid to seek professional help. Seeking professional help is not a negative statement on your spiritual development or your spiritual condition. 

I generally do not recommend seeking therapy or long term counseling from ministers or church leaders. Few ministers or church leaders are trained, certified counselors or therapists. While well intentioned, untrained individuals may not have current knowledge of psychology, brain science, emotional illnesses, or know how to use effective counseling techniques. Also, even if they are a certified professional, they may not be objective in their approach if you or the other person involved know that minister or church leader.

If you are struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, or compulsive, addictive, or self harming behaviors, please seek qualified assistance. Call a local suicide prevention, domestic violence, or other help line if you need help finding someone you can talk to.

Moving on, I am now offering some practices and habits I found helpful when trying to forgive those who deeply wounded me.

1. Know that you can release, through God's power within you, the anger of offense. The anger of offense comes when you recall what someone one has done to you. It is natural to be angered when you are harmed. It is not natural or healthy to hold the energy of anger for an extended period of time. The anger may arise quickly or unexpectedly when you see or hear something that is triggering. You must work on releasing that anger. As I mentioned in the previous post, forgiveness is about freedom. You are not free if you cannot control how you respond to events and memories. Releasing the anger is a physical and emotional healing process that is the beginning of freedom.

2. Take control of your thoughts. When the offense comes to mind, replace that memory with a Bible verse or a spiritual statement of God's love for you and God's protection of you.

3. Challenge your habits of thought and action that made you vulnerable to this damaging experience. This is not victim shaming or blaming. This is learning from experience. This is making an adjustment to protect you from future heartache.

4. Keep telling yourself the purpose of forgiveness is freedom. The old saying "living well is the best revenge" doesn't apply here. No longer caring how someone reacts to your life or happiness is true freedom. Freedom doesn't need revenge. Revenge is oriented to what the other person did in the past. Freedom is oriented to you and your future.

5. Don't stalk (in person or on social media, etc.) the one you want to forgive. If you are releasing them, their actions are no longer of concern to you. 

6. Create and maintain a regular meditation/prayer time when you can breathe deeply, relax your body, stop recycling bad memories, and welcome new ideas into your mind.

7. Do not use your family members and friends as counselors or negative thought dumping grounds. Do not endlessly discuss or recycle your bad memories in conversations. Remember your purpose is to be free. If you keep giving someone space in your brain, you are not free. You are intentionally maintaining the connection with the past when you continually recycle memories, events, incidents, and experiences. If you want to be free, disconnect.

True and real forgiveness is a process. It's not as simple as saying "I forgive you." Setbacks and mistakes will happen in this process. When you mess up, get up. Brush off and begin again. You will reach the place of freedom.

Next week's lesson: "Lead us not into temptation." Does God ever really lead anyone into temptation?